The Postman Always Rings Twice by James M. Cain (9780679723257)

Yes, I read the classics, too.  A tragic love story where a drifter falls in love with a married woman, they plot to kill her husband, their lust gets in the way of common sense, and it ends in tragedy. A very lurid story of 1930’s noir that holds the reader to the end.

Terror from Beyond Middle England by Sarah Crabtree (9780972832168)

I understand that Sarah Crabtree is a horror fiction writer though this novel seems to be in a different vein.

Zara is an unusual, small-town temp travelling through middle England who stumbles upon odd characters on the way.

I have to go along with the majority of reviews on this one that the story was all over the place. It is a book that if you stop reading it for a while and come back to it, it is hard to remember what happened before. I’m still trying to figure out what is the point of this novel.

Book review: Broken Wing by Judith James (193383644X)

Gabriel is a broken man who was raised in a brothel as a prostitute and doesn’t think he is worthy of love. Sarah is a widow and free spirit who does not care about the conventions that life brings her. When Sarah meets Gabriel she feels a connection that few can see, even Gabriel. This is a great love story that is told mainly from Gabriel’s perspective which I found very intriguing. A wonderful read!

Book Review: Crossroads by Belva Plain (0385336845)

Gwen Wright, daughter of wealthy entrepreneur, Cassandra Wright, is introverted and holding a secret. Her chance meeting with Jewel Fairchild, beautiful,confident and making a meager living, kicks off a life-long feud that dramatically changes their lives both good and bad. I listened to the audiobook and at first thought this story was based in the early 19th century and later realized that it was a contemporary novel. It is interesting how this book could actually be interpreted in another time. I enjoyed this refreshing novel which didn’t contain all the sex, drugs and violence that many contemporary books do.

Book Review: Beat the Reaper (0316032212)

This book is not for persons with weak stomachs.  It is very graphic and tells a unique story about a man, Pietro “Bearclaw” Brnwna, who finds his grandparents’ murdered bodies in their home and vows revenge on their deaths.  Ironically, the killers were in the mafia and he becomes a hitman for the family that takes him in.  Unfortunately, he pisses off his adoptive family and goes into the witness protection system and eventually becomes a doctor.

An unusual story that when you get past the violence, is a real page turner.

Book Review: Critical Mass by Kathleen Henry (9780595524129)

This book has stories told by four Catholic women in four different eras. It was hard to follow, but at the end Henry has a list of how all the narrators were connected. It was interesting enough and short enough that I read the whole thing, but it didn’t affect me personally like it would others who are closer to this subject.

Book Review: The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane (1401340903)

Getting past the unusual design of the book, I found Connie’s and Deliverance’s stories very interesting.  This is a fiction novel that has some historical facts about the Salem witch trials.  I was expecting the historical element, but the suspense element was a nice surprise.  Connie is working on her dissertation and comes across an old “recipe” book that connects her to the past and to Deliverance Dane, an accused Salem witch.  Little does Connie know that the book will put her in danger as well.

Change Your Mindset Not Your Man by Sally B. Watkins

Learn to Love What’s Right Instead of Trying to Fix What’s Wrong (Adams Media 2009)

Many women are disappointed, frustrated, and despairing about their relationships with men. Growing up with Sleeping Beauty, Barbies and  romance novels, we don’t realize how the happily-ever-after myth contributes to our relationship misery and failures.  My book is the message I needed as a young woman– that there is no substitute for growing a self and creating a full passionate life, that a man can’t possibly be your fulfillment.  It’s hard on the guys when we women want what they have not been socialized to provide.  They’re prepared to do the heavy lifting and make money but when we  ask them to be sensitive and attuned to our many emotional needs  it naturally makes them defensive and angry and they often conclude that there isn’t any way to please us.  The conflict comes from trying to get happiness, validation and love from your partner when the only one you can change is yourself!

My book spells out exactly what it takes to find contentment with your normally flawed and imperfect guy the way he is.  Complaining and even couples counseling can be disastrous if fixing him is the goal.  Your thoughts and stories may be helping or hurting you.  I show you what it takes to lead by example when you are the one with more relationship skills and needs and have been socialized for relating.  Everything from the best therapies, what I’ve gained from my own life, and what my courageous and beautiful clients have taught me is here.  Finding your authentic self and the power to accept the things you can’t change will make you a more confident person and a truly loving partner.

TIPS

FIND CONTENTMENT WITH YOUR NORMALLY FLAWED MAN AS HE IS

1.      He doesn’t have to change for you to be happy.

Expectations of romantic love since girlhood have fueled our disappointment with men.  We have been socialized to believe in and want a deep connection with a soul mate.  Many men were taught to be tough, ignore their feelings, and channel energy into work, so it’s not their fault that they aren’t as attuned to us and as affectionate as we want.  It’s natural for the rush of excitement and chemical attraction to wear off after the honeymoon. All relationships take work.  It’s not like the movies where finding the right one is the only requirement. Believing that your happiness depends on him and his behavior makes you a victim instead of an empowered woman.

2.      All attempts to fix him can make it worse.

I suggest a reminder note “let him be as he is” to help you stop the tugging and pouting that we all do to get more attention since it’s likely to make things worse.  Men are highly sensitive to criticism and often tune out when they feel attacked.  Couples counseling works if both partners commit to change but too often it’s the woman enlisting the help of the therapist to make him be the way she wants.  If a man succumbs to his partner’s demands and lets her control him, she may lose respect for him, so it’s a good thing if he is able to maintain his sense of himself.

3.      What you believe and say is powerful.

It’s not a secret that how you think about your relationship and what stories you tell about your partner will affect your attitude and your feelings and emphasize those qualities you focus on.  We know that our beliefs influence our feelings and in turn our behavior.  Learning to recognize your thought patterns will help you have more choices rather than function automatically..  Testing your partner’s is something all of us have done.  For example, tell him it’s okay to go fishing with his buddies and leave us to handle the garage sale and then make him wrong for not choosing us. We think these test measure his love for us but they really don’t.

4.       Star in your own happy life.

Men are more attracted to women when they are happy and fulfilled and seem to tune out when they are a rain cloud of negativity.  This explains why when women are blue and need something from their guy he may decide to work late or spend time in the garage. When women star in their own life and make their needs more important often men get a charge from the energy she is radiating. When you value yourself he may see you the same way and be more interested in pleasing you.  You will be less like a mother complaining and pointing out his problems and more like an exciting woman who gets what she wants.

5.       Learn to rely on your own self support.

Men may become worn down by too much emotionally laden information coming at them on a regular basis.  Some men view problems as complaints about them or your life with them and tune out.  As mature women we must grow an internal resilient self to weather some of life’s stressors and not depend on our guy for everything.  Learning how to support and soothe yourself makes you less needy.  Not being super sensitive and  taking things personally is a great way to head off hurts.  Journaling, music, or exercise helps work through issues and feelings.  Being in nature or with pets or treating yourself to physical comforts are other ways to sustain yourself through troubling situations.

6.      Help him be more relational.

Accept that his being attuned to your feelings and needs does not come naturally to him.  It’s a mistake to insist that he must figure these things out on his own for them to mean something.  Prepare him for an emotional conversation by telling him what you need, e.g., I just want you to listen to me; I don’t need advice or a solution.  Remind him with posted notes, coupons, and pictures hinting for what you want in the way of gifts or special events.  Ask directly for things like a foot or neck rub, taking over for dinner or the kids’ homework when you need help. Avoid pouting and other drama as a way to get his attention.

BIOGRAPHY

Sally B. Watkins M.S.W., LCSW

I grew up in a Pennsylvania household with violence and deprivation.  The happily-ever-after story was one I clung to in the unheated attic of my childhood room where sleep came fitfully to the sounds of my parent’s battles.  I was a writer even then and imagined in poetry my prince just like the one in Cinderella.  Like many women I went through much of my early adulthood searching for that perfect someone to love and care for me.

Self help books, therapy, and groups helped me find that person that I am today.  I graduated from the University of Maryland at Baltimore with a master’s degree in social work and before that with a bachelor’s degree in education from Carnegie Mellon University.  In addition to my twenty year psychotherapy practice I continued to be a writer– grant writing, personal journals, short stories, essays and writing classes.  My published work includes magazine articles and a regular column for a local newspaper.  This is my first book, CHANGE YOUR MINDSET NOT YOUR MAN.

I now live in El Dorado Hills, California with my husband Warren.  My two sons are grown.  I enjoy cooking healthy food, working out, hiking, playing tennis, reading, and sailing in the Pacific Northwest.

Book Review: Shadow Music by Julie Garwood (0345500741)

I have been a Julie Garwood fan for many years and found this book lacking. None of the characters really stood out at me and that disappoints me because I love highlander stories. It is a tried storyline where the beautiful princess is bequeathed to marry a stranger, the stranger dies and a tough but sensitive highlander hero steps in to save her from evil men.

Book Review: Of Bees and Mist: A Novel by Erick Setiawan (1416596240)

I have to admit the beginning of this book was very confusing, but as I read more, I started to understand the supernatural element of the novel. There were characters you loved such as Meridia, an only child who thought she was unloved and others you despised such as Eva the evil mother-in-law who wanted to control everyone around her.  The book was slow in the beginning, but towards the end I felt it was worth reading.